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I’m really beginning to question whether I really want to be an art major or not. I don’t know if it’s me or the classes I’m attending but I feel like my love of art is dissipating.

It didn’t start with college however. It’s been a recurring thought for some years now, dating back to my junior year in high school. Back then it wasn’t as bad. I thought, “Once I get to college, maybe I’ll feel like drawing again. Maybe the ideas will start flowing once more of my attention can be dedicated to art”. No dice. If anything, I feel even less like doing anything creative now. I think I’ve hit my stride. All my creativity was used up when I was little I suppose. Now I wish I hadn’t drawn so often back then and saved some of my energy for later years.

I’ve seen and heard advice like, “Just try to take time to draw something every day”. “Draw things you wouldn’t normally draw, get out of your comfort zone”. But I don’t feel like any of that is helping. Drawing/painting/whatever just doesn’t bring the same joy and satisfaction it used to. And now since I’m majoring in the art field, I just have to draw because I’m told to/it’s required for assignments. I’m out of ideas and patience.

The art classes I take don’t help. The students as well as the professors are all such hipsters. They think they’re so “deep” and “philosophical”. There’s just so much emphasis on postmodernist ideals. I’m actually taking a postmodernism art history class, and all of my art classes so far show heavy postmodern influence. Most of my classmates can’t draw to save their lives, and the professors put more emphasis on “concepts” rather than skills. I learned way more by teaching myself to draw than I do in class.

None of these students will ever be great like classical artists. They’ll just be no talent hacks like that Andy Warhol. He got famous off some stupid “concept” that not even art critics could agree on. He couldn’t draw or paint. He just copied popular mainstream images for the most part and acted like it meant something. What a freaking joke. The epitome of a freakin’ hipster creep.

I don’t think I’m cut out to be an artist, but there’s not anywhere else for me to turn either. I’m not interested in anything else. I’m not interested in anything anymore. Which is why I haven’t bothered to change my major. Everything is so boring, art included. Not to mention I’m sure my parents would kill me  for wasting 2 years of college on something I don’t even care about anymore.